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I'm sure I'm not alone in this, but I'm equally sure that it's the type of thing which would cause raised eyebrows and a lot of disapproval, which is why I haven't told anyone. However, it's an arrangement which has worked very well for me for the last three years and I hope it continues. My ex husband and I get on pretty well, but I don't want all the complications involved in getting into a relationship - I want to be able to concentrate on my children, my job and my life without introducing a man who might well walk out at some point, thus upsetting the children.
Although I know I could go out a couple of times a month and find someone for sex I don't have the time or energy for a series of one night stands - I want to be wined and dined and know exactly what's going to happen, without any worries about the next day.
My husband and I had a great sex life and I really missed that, so I decided to do some research. The internet was the obvious place and I found a huge range of websites and adverts offering a wide range of services. Some of them were simply hilarious, but in the end I found Justin.
Our first encounter was nerve wracking and my main worry was that I might not find him attractive, although I definitely went out there with sex on my mind. In the flesh something has to click and although I knew that he was extremely good looking and very fit I also knew I had to fancy him. I booked into a hotel and spent ages getting ready, then Justin came to collect me and we went out to dinner. Thank God, despite my nerves there was an instant spark and we had a great time, especially since we both knew that the whole evening was definitely building up to sex. When we got back to the room there was no problem tearing each other's clothes off and the sex was fantastic.
I knew I'd made the right decision and we meet once or twice a month, with the occasional weekend away or short holiday, which I always pay for. He makes me feel that I'm the centre of attention, he's very protective and caring, we have a laugh and a chat and the sex gets better and better. He always makes it special with candles, massage oils and sex toys - now how many men would still be doing that after three years in an ordinary relationship?
Sorry if this goes against the stereotype, but I want fabulous sex with a lovely man without any ties.
We might well be at the stage where women are seen to enjoy sex as much as men, but not at the stage of admitting that some of us are happy to pay for it. There's currency of some kind in every relationship and I know that although we get on well and have a great time together, at the bottom of it all is hard cash.
I'm quite vain and having a man in my life who sees me naked regularly certainly makes me focus on looking after myself, so I'm very slim and fit and feel confident sexually. What's really interesting is the amount of other men who ask me out - it does make me realise that when you've one man around you seem to get the pick of the rest as well.
You wouldn't question this relationship unless you knew I paid for it - we're both adults, seeing each other regularly and enjoying ourselves. Why does money suddenly change it?
We have cover stories organised in case we bump into anyone we know but that's never happened. Women should be able to have the sort of sex life and companionship they want, on their terms, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. I love my children, work hard - to pay for their treats and mine - see my friends and family and enjoy my hobbies like anyone else. This way, I'm very satisfied sexually which makes me a much calmer and happier person and I do like the secrecy element of this arrangement.
I keep both lives totally separate and Justin doesn't know where I live, what I do or even my real surname - though I'm the same with him and we contact each other by mobile phone. Nothing's forever and I hope it will be some considerable time before Justin hangs up his thong, but I'm sure there's a replacement out there should it ever happen.
I know now how well this can work and it's perfect for me. Maybe I will change but I think it's unlikely. Every so often I can indulge myself and then walk away completely satisfied, ready to get on with the rest of my life. Being able to have such a lovely time and be treated so well, without any worries or upset - frankly, that's priceless. As it is he costs $400 for an hour, $540 for three hours and $1200 for overnight, and every penny is well spent.
All names have been changed. Picture posed by models.
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