For Jacqueline Pascarl, it seemed like the sickest of jokes. As she looked at the images of two ominous looking growths on her ovaries, she couldn't believe that fate seemed poised to tear her from her children for a second time.

Motherhood had already been cruelly stolen from her once, when her two eldest children were kidnapped by their father and taken to Malaysia 17 years ago. So, as she listened to the doctors gently telling her that the tumours were more than likely cancerous, it seemed desperately unfair that her two youngest children would also be robbed of a mother.

"I know what happened to Shahirah and Iddin when they were kidnapped and didn't have me as a mum," says Jacqueline, whose surname was then Gillespie. "My younger children are just six and eight — they need me, yet it felt like I was being given a death sentence. I was so scared about leaving them that my heart was breaking."

Earlier this year, it seemed the dynamic author and campaigner had finally found some peace. She was happily married to her third husband, Bill Crocaris, and they lived a quiet life with their two youngest children Verity, 8, and Lysander, 6.

In March she had watched with pride as her 24-year-old daughter Shahirah, with whom she was reunited three years ago, married in Melbourne. Life couldn't have been sweeter.

Initially Jacqueline, 46, dismissed her tiredness as the sign of impending menopause. But when the exhaustion was joined by weight gain and breathlessness, she went to see her doctor. She was told she was too busy, maybe even depressed, and was duly prescribed antidepressants, which she didn't fill.

For the full story see this week's Woman's Day, on sale September 14, 2009.

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