By Leanne Hudson

Do you believe in soul mates? Yes or no, you've probably experienced a time when you 'connected' with someone in a special way. But if you haven't found your soul mate yet, you could be looking in the wrong place...

Ask someone to define what a soul mate is and they'll typically say something like:

"It's the one person in the world I am destined to be with. When I meet my soul mate I'll know straight away that this is the person I am meant to spend my life with."

I've met my soul mate. I met this person almost 10 years ago and they've been a huge part of my life ever since. This person truly knows me inside and out. We spend a lot of time together and I can't imagine a future without my soul mate in it. But that doesn't mean this person is the one I will marry — because my soul mate is my best friend. And that's not so unusual, says metaphysicist Stacey Demarco.

"People make the mistake of thinking a soul mate can only be a sexual partner," says Stacey, author of The Coffee Oracle and one of the judges from Channel 7's The One.

"Anyone can be a soul mate — friends, relatives, lovers. Age, nationality, sex, physicality... none of these attributes are particularly relevant. What is important is the reaction you have to a soul mate. Have you ever met someone who you just liked straight away, for no good reason? Or someone you wanted to tell all about yourself? This is your soul at work."

A learning experience

But it's not all sunshine and rose-tinted glasses when it comes to dealing with a soul mate.

"I believe in the theory that, before we come to our physical form here on earth, we all choose to experience certain things to help us grow once we are here," says Stacey. "They can be good experiences, like love and success, or bad ones, like betrayal and sadness. We make agreements with other souls to help us experience these things."

These other souls become your soul mates and, although you don't recognise them in a physical way when you meet them, you know them through the emotional response you have to them, be it love and attraction or fear and rejection.

"Whatever it is, it will always be some kind of strong reaction," says Stacey. "You'll know they are important because of the force and depth of the emotional charge when your paths cross."

Soul mates take different forms

But if you've already found your soul mate in the form of a friend or relative, does that mean you can't find a lover who's your soul mate too?

"No," says Stacey. "It's possible to have more than one soul mate. And the relationship you have with a relative or friend is different to the one you would want with a lover. There is a whole different dimension to someone you have an intimate physical relationship with. You should not compare the two."


The idea that you can have more than one soul mate works for me, as I'm sure my sister is another one of mine. Arch enemies until we reached our late-teens, we're now like two halves of the same person. Even though we live in different countries, she has an uncanny knack of phoning when I need her.

During those treasured times when we are together, we discuss everything and nothing. We're complete opposites and have wildly differing opinions on many subjects. We argue, we fight, we disagree. But in light of Stacey's explanation, that's the whole point. Soul mates are here to help us learn and grow, and that's not always a comfortable experience.

So don't fall under the illusion your soul mate will be someone who is always easy to get on with, agrees with you all the time or makes your life easy. This explains my relationship with my sister perfectly.

Plenty to go around

Another mistake people make is to assume they only have one sexual soul mate. "It's a highly romantic notion that there is just one person for everyone," says Stacey.

"It's a nice idea if you think you've found your one and only. But it's terrible if you then lose them. That's why people struggle with break-ups. They think they will never meet anyone like that again and, in one sense, they're right. That person was unique and brought certain lessons and experiences to the table. But other people will bring other wonderful things. The important thing is to learn the lesson that person brought with them, and move on."

So it seems there are plenty of soul mates out there, of all shapes and sizes. And if you've only been looking for one of the tall, dark and handsome variety, maybe it's time to widen your search. Keep an eye out for anyone you feel a connection with, and see where it goes. The likelihood is they'll help you learn a valuable lesson, or at the very least lend an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on or a helping hand.

With an open mind, you never know what might happen — that friendly stranger you poured your heart out to at the bus stop after a bad day could become a friend for life. And if they are tall, dark and handsome, they might become something even more...


You can read more from metaphysicist Stacey Demarco at www.themodernwitch.com.