Traditionally, men have taken the role of bread-winners while women stayed home to look after the kids. But times are changing and with more and more women gaining a strong footing in the workforce, some couples have opted for a role reversal.
Miriam Smith, from Newstead in regional Victoria, was at home with baby Nathaniel for six months before she returned to work and husband Damien took the reins. Until then, he'd worked long hours as a truck driver and hadn't spent much time with Nathaniel on weekdays. When his job became redundant, it made sense for Miriam to work as a town planner, earning a good income and working 9am to 3pm, while Damien became a stay-at-home dad.
Sydney mum Kate Beddoe also returned to her job as a senior manager after six months at home. It simply made more financial sense for her to be at work than husband Rohan.
A great lifestyle
Both Damien and Rohan love their current roles.
Even after three years at home with Nathaniel, Damien still finds it good fun. "I've always loved kids," he says. "I'd prefer to stay home than go to work…"
After four months at home with baby Callum, Rohan says, "I can't quite imagine doing anything else at the moment." Previously in an office job, Rohan loves being able to get out a lot. And he's cherished the chance to get to know Callum and earn his trust.
Get amongst it
Rohan recalls the first few days at home felt really long. He quickly realised the need for regular activities. Now he swears by the 'Babes in Arms' movie sessions, and also has a weekly coffee and chess game with a friend who works part-time.
Damien attends a playgroup, music group and swimming lesson every week. Three-year-old Nathaniel also loves a ride on their three-wheeler motorbike to visit the neighbours for a drink of milk and a biccy.
Isolation
It's been hard for both guys to make the sorts of friends who'd come over for a play date. Unfortunately they've both felt a level of distrust from mums they've met at playgroups.
To combat this problem, Rohan joined a stay-at-home dad's group held in Kiribilli, but it's a fair distance from home so he can't always make it. However, he was welcomed into Kate's mother's group after she went back to work — which he found a fantastic place to talk about parenting.
Feeling like a bludger
Rohan says there's definitely hard work (and lower back pain!) involved in the job, but every now and then he catches himself feeling like a bludger. "Our society has expectations about how seriously you take work and career … and I've kind of put all of that aside." There's nowhere else he'd rather be, but it sometimes niggles at him.
At first Damien was worried that relatives might think that he was bludging, but now everyone can see what a great job he's done with Nathaniel, he's not as concerned.
Yummy daddies?
Rohan believes he has it easier than most stay-at-home mums. He believes women feel pressure not only to be good parents, but to look good and have lots going on in their lives. Whereas Rohan feels like he gets "points just for showing up."
His wife Kate agrees. "Everyone exclaims how 'good' Rohan is for being at home while asking me if I miss being a mum! I'm still a mum, just a working one."
Practical problems
Breast feeding is one of the few practical things that might stand in the way of arrangements like this. But both ladies expressed breast milk for a while and weaned their babies at a time that felt right.
More information and support for stay-at-home dads.
