It's far easier to be a rubbish parent than a good one, the struggle to parent effectively without falling out with your kids can sometimes just feel too hard.
The older they get the more you have to worry about and it sometimes seems much easier just to let them run riot, horrible though the consequences might be. Being constantly on their backs can be exhausting so giving up on discipline for the sake of peace seems very attractive.
But alas we all know this route will inevitably end in some sort of disaster so here’s some tips for managing those tricky parenting problem areas.
Discipline
Try not to raise your voice or talk down to your kids — literally — as that makes a difficult situation more tense and emotive.
With toddler tantrums, go down to the child's level and speak calmly and clearly, keeping instructions short and simple. Stay consistent, don't give in to screaming, and be prepared to be friends once it's over.
Children learn that actions have consequences from around three years of age. Hitting or biting should be dealt with by a time-out, where a child is put to sit by themselves for a minute for every year of their lives, or by withdrawing privileges.
Manners and social skills
Manners, good social skills and sharing are learned by example, so treat children with respect, the old adage "treat them as you like to be treated" really does count.
Nurture confidence from an early age by letting them take the lead in shops, learning how to speak politely and clearly and try and eat out sometimes so they know how to talk to people and also realise what's acceptable in public.
Encourage them to get involved in activities which involve public speaking which mean they have to organise something and make themselves heard, such as taking drinks orders at family gatherings.
Communication and compromise
Everyone relaxes at home and doesn't necessarily show their best side, which can result in nagging, ignoring requests and getting locked into endless battles. Many parents find it difficult to stay calm when they're busy or tired so they overreact.
Keep communicating, listen to what they're saying and expect them to do the same to you. Try to be reasonable, compromising on the small things can make it easier to get the more important things done.
So the teenager who resents being picked up by her parents can agree to them waiting around the corner, thus saving face in front of her friends but still being safe.
The issues where compromise won't work are the hardest, such as not letting young people be exposed to R18+ rated films so you have to explain that some rules are there to keep people safe but be willing to discuss different approaches as they get older. Maybe you won't have TVs or computers in bedrooms but if a teenager comes up with good exam results that can be discussed again or if younger children can go out to play and be home at the right time, further freedom can be granted.
Asserting and enforcing family rules
Discuss helping with certain chores, tidying bedrooms, homework done, sticking to curfews — and agree as a family what is acceptable and what the sanctions will be. Give them some responsibility but if they don't do what was agreed then removal of privileges, docking of pocket money or grounding will follow.
If the worst happens do it all calmly and without fighting or covering old ground. You're not meant to be your child's best friend and rules and limitations are a big part of loving them.
