Around 25 per cent of Australian adults will, at some time in their lives, suffer from a diagnosable mental health problem, most prominently depression or anxiety, including phobias. And as many of these people will be parents, unfortunately some of these behaviours are bound to be passed-onto their children.
“Maybe someone can’t go into lifts; or onto planes; or can’t give a speech at work,” explains Leslie Posen, a Melbourne-based clinical psychologist, with a special interest in phobias and anxiety disorders.
“And while there is a strong family history involved with these conditions; we don’t really know for sure if they’re inherited or environmental (learned).
“But if parents are living with these themselves, then it is very easy to pass them onto the kids - as they’re so very perceptive and learn so much from watching and copying.”
Leslie explains that the more you try to hide your behaviour, the more conspicuous you actually become. “When kids see mum getting nervous and flustered, they’ll pick up on it,” he says. “So instead, you really need to make sure you are getting professional help if you feel you need it, and then try to demonstrate that you’re managing.
“For example, if your anxiety is about housework - or you might like shoes in the wardrobe to be lined up perfectly - then it’ll really help your kids if you say something like: “This is how I prefer things”; rather than insisting that this is how it must be done.
“Help kids to learn they can be flexible and have the control to do things their way.”
What’s an anxiety disorder?
“Anxiety involves lots of avoidance, and ‘what if?’ thinking - making mountains out of molehills,” Leslie explains. “It’s a failure to accurately assess danger, and press the panic button when it’s not necessary.”
Some include:
* Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
* Post traumatic stress
* Social anxiety
* Panic disorder
What’s a phobia?
“This is a situation where a person, at a rational level, knows their reaction to something is completely out of proportion - but still always avoids it,” says Leslie.
“And when they’ve successfully avoided it, they feel relief. And that relief then reinforces that the situation is “dangerous”, when it’s truly not.
“The most common phobia to run in families is a fear of blood injury.”
Signs of anxiety in children.
These can occur in children from the age of three:
* Avoidance - avoiding something when there doesn’t seem to be a reason.
* The way they’re thinking. They might say things like: ‘I’m scared of that ...’ And if their fear does seem out of proportion, they could be ‘catastrophising’. Some kids become physically ill; or feign illness to try to avoid their fear.
* While a child’s ‘shyness’ might be a characteristic that’s maybe considered ‘cute’ at first; at another point it becomes where the person suffers. For example, that might be in social situations such as taking days off at school, not wanting to be a team leader at sports, or not putting their hand up when they know the answer.
These behaviours become an issue when they have serious negative impact on a child’s life.
Best things we can do for children’s mental health
- Having fun is great. Doing things just for the fun of it, rather than to achieve anything at the end.
- Encourage their hobbies and interests, and get involved yourself.
- While a little bit of competition is ok, the focus of any activity should be enjoyment.
- Teach them the ability to deal with upset and setbacks. This means they’ll be far more resilient as adults.
Where to find help
Anxiety disorders are entirely treatable these days - and sometimes in a surprisingly short period of time. If you think you or your family needs help, talk with your G.P; and the Australian Psychological Society has a great referral service. Visit www.psychology.org.au
For more information about Leslie, his website address is: www.flightwise.com.au
