I was placed on a strict diet, and had to visit the centre regularly to use their exercise equipment. I was losing weight steadily, until one week my weight had increased. That particular week I strayed from the diet plan, eating three cubes of chocolate. Ten years on, I can still remember the humiliation I felt when the consultant told me it was because I ate chocolate that my weight had increased, and how terrible she made me feel for "breaking the rules", just by eating a measly few pieces of chocolate. I was unsure how I was supposed to maintain a diet of salad sandwiches and powdered drinks, yet I knew I did not want to feel the humiliation of putting on more weight either. So I became bulimic. I quit my program with the centre, and lost a lot of money in the process as they did not provide refunds. I also lost a lot of weight, as I suffered silently with bulimia for the following five years. It seemed like an easy solution, until the effects of the bingeing and purging took its toll on my health and I felt too exhausted both physically and emotionally to function. I still sometimes struggle today to not place my fingers down my throat, particularly when presented with images of skeletal celebrities like Nicole Ritchie, who continually make the best-dressed lists. But every time I feel the urge, I remember how sick it made me, and so I stop myself. I feel like I now have a much healthier attitude to food and to my body. I've found that I can be within the normal weight range, while not depriving myself. Women spend so much time and money on achieving a number on the scales. Whatever happened to just being healthy?
